by Mollie Millington | May 20, 2020 | happiness, mental health
Here in the UK, 18 – 24 May is Mental Health Awareness week. I have shared my own highs and lows with mental health here on the blog with last year’s theme of body image and through other periods in my life when I have struggled. Even though I am the ‘Happiness Personal Trainer,’ I still have times when I feel lost, down, or completely unmotivated. It is something I have experienced my entire life, not just during corona times. During the current pandemic, I have often felt very helpless to change the world around me, with the lows a bit more extreme and my energy totally zapped. To help draw me out of the dark shadows, I have made an effort to help others. It seemed like something I could easily do, sometimes for very little money and even from afar. As I mentioned in a previous post, I check in with some elderly neighbours on a weekly basis, send brownies to my friends who work for the NHS, and sent snail mail to our friends and family as a pick me up. I just like to help (so much so that it sometimes gets me in trouble). You could even call it showing kindness.
As part of my Science of Well-being course from Coursera (I am always enrolled in something), I had to complete a character strengths test. The idea behind character strengths is that they are the positive aspects of your personality and influence your day-to-day behaviour. If you want to find a job you love, you should aim to have the top four or five of your character strengths matched in that role. I was not surprised to see these as my top five (out of the 24 total strengths):
I think because kindness is my #1 and therefore second nature to me, it was really hard for me to write this blog post. All I want to say is, be kind. It makes you feel good and others too. It has been shown to improve mental health, give you a warm fuzzy feeling inside and make you smile (I am making my way through Sonja Lyubomirsky’s The How of Happiness. Check it out!). It can create ripples of good deeds, laughter, and smiles that reach so many more people that you originally intended. I took to Facebook and asked for others to help me speak about kindness. Here is what they said:
Katie from Orbis Expeditions – “One of the best acts of kindness is when someone gives another person the benefit of the doubt. They don’t assume, they give them a chance and look at what might be behind the reaction. That to be is the ultimate kindness.”
Coach Michael – “Kindness is like love. Everybody knows it and shows it but it can be described and acted out in so many different ways.”
Stephen from How Many Miles – “I advise my boys that we never know what people are experiencing or why they act the way that they do. That being kind isn’t just about being nice to people you like or care about, but also showing empathy and respect to those you don’t. I do also say that being kind brings its own rewards. It feels good.”
Showing kindness doesn’t have to cost you much. It can be as simple as giving a compliment; leaving a love note for someone to find; calling a family member to check in; asking the new person at work to join you for lunch; attending a friend’s choir concert; baking an extra loaf of banana bread for your neighbour; cheering on strangers at the parkrun finish line; taking the day off work to show a visitor around your city; taking one million photos without complaining for the one good Instagram shot; giving away your products or services to people in need; introducing friends who might be able to collaborate; or buying your team coffee or cake from the canteen after a busy morning. You get the idea. Personally, I find the creativity part of the fun (see strengths above)! And the return for not only yourself but also the person you are kind to makes it worth it.
Use #kindnessmatters this week to share your stories of kindness you have observed, given or received and how it has helped your mental health. You can also tell your story in a comment below..
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by Mollie Millington | Apr 30, 2020 | community, family, happiness, holistic, mental health, self care
We started lockdown (due to coronavirus) in the UK on 30 March 2020. The rules are you can only leave your home once a day to exercise; dogs can be walked once a day; you can travel to work if you are unable to complete your job from home; if you leave your home you must keep two meters away from others. Like many other countries and cities, the rules are not black and white, leaving some room for interpretation (such as, how long can I exercise for), but overall you are meant to stay home and not socialize with others. We are very fortunate to have a garden and be able to work mostly from home (I have to go in every other week and can cycle there). Maple has also been a nice distraction, but lockdown has made socialising her a bit complicated too. We are doing the best we can when out on walks (she loves watching people walk by) and hope she doesn’t turn out weird.
Between working, worrying, and puppying, my days have been pretty intense and varied. I haven’t quite managed to set up a proper routine yet. I thought I would share a few things I have learned on lockdown, along with how I am coping. Perhaps you can resonate with some, or can you add to the list?
Gratitude
As I mentioned above, I am very grateful that my husband and I are still both employed full time and also have a garden space to enjoy. We are still allowed to go outside and visit shops without seeking government permission. That is a big relief. I am grateful that so far, my family has been healthy and we have been communicating more often that usual. I am grateful to have Maple to keep us distracted from the scary stuff going on outside our front door. She is a good cuddler too.
Patience
Both the puppy and the virus are helping me with this one. Maple is a puppy and needs time to learn and explore. She tends to sit and stare unexpectedly on our walks. I try to let her do so as she is observing the world as it goes by. When I go for a run, I need to take it easy to allow for social distancing, waiting for traffic so I can stay 2 meters apart from pedestrians, and to not be frustrated with my lack of structured training. We have also learned patience waiting for deliveries, booking grocery delivery slots, and how in general, things are working a little bit differently out in the world. In this day and age, Amazon Prime and internet downloads have gotten us so used to instant gratification. We are learning to live at a slower pace now.
Acceptance
The serenity prayer is something I have embraced for a long time. Not because I am recovering, but because it is a good reminder that I should not waste energy trying to control things that I cannot. I tend to have high standards and expect everyone to have the same values that I do. I am reminded that this is not the case on a daily basis, especially in lockdown.
The thing I am having the most trouble accepting is the amount of gloves, masks, and cleaning wipes I see in my local park and on the sidewalks of my street. People can be so selfish and it is really disappointing (deep breaths).
Here is a link to a printable PDF should you want to hang the image in your home.
The power of napping
Maple still doesn’t sleep through the night. After a few weeks of letting her cry and spending an hour coaxing her back to sleep, we now set an alarm to wake her up to use the loo at midnight and 3am. She then wakes up at 5:15am for breakfast. Sometimes I sleep from 7-9am and it is glorious. (I am grateful for a flexible working schedule!)
Many people have shared with me that they are finding it hard to sleep or the quality of the sleep they are getting isn’t as good as it used to be. Self-compassion key here. Your sympathetic nervous system is on overload. Being constantly on edge may not be something you are aware of, but this could be why you are finding it hard to sleep. Take a nap if you want to. Stay in bed longer if you need to.
Service
With no many things out of my control, I have been blessed to channel some energy in to supporting others in my local community. We posted a note through the houses on my street, letting folks know we are here to help if they need it due to self-isolation or illness. I was pleasantly surprised to have several responses from others willing to help and we now have a Whatsapp group. Two elderly neighbors let me know they are self-isolating, so I text them once a week to check in.
I have also been doing my best to support small business and my friends who work for the NHS. Hustle Bakes will post brownies to you or a friend. Dook of Edinburgh make luxury handmade soaps which are the perfect treat for you or a friend who washes their hands a lot. We are also trying to visit the local shops near us more for fruit and veg, rather than the big chains. I even paid my hairdresser ahead of time so that she can pay her bills. She works out of her home as a freelancer and cannot see clients right now.
Charity
Along with supporting small businesses, we have been donating to various fundraisers and charities to help the NHS, the art foundations offering special programming on the television and internet, and those organizations that offer support to vulnerable people and animals. Don’t get me wrong, we are not donating a lot, but if everyone donated a few quid here and there, it would add up (just look at Captain Tom Moore!).
Communication
Working from home while my team is on site, alongside working from home while my husband does the same has really helped me learn to communicate more effective in several modalities. At home, I still choose my battles if something is bothering me but I am not waiting as long to address it. Usually, I am not a confrontational person and James and I tend to be very independent. However, we are now spending a lot of time together, are sometimes frustrated about the puppy and neither of us have slept the night through in six weeks (due to the dog).
The things I miss
With my injuries, I haven’t been at track much this year, but I do miss my Advent Running family and going to parkrun on Saturday mornings with James (he always beats me). I also miss seeing my blogger friends at fitness events in London, going to Function360 for my physiotherapy check ups (I am going to schedule a virtual appointment soon), and hitting the gym before work. Of course, travelling is something that was a big part of our lives before Covid-19 and I am not sure when we will be able to start that up again. James misses going to the pub. Each to their own, I guess.
As this pandemic continues, I am sure we will continue to learn more about ourselves and others. If your lockdown rules are starting to lift, I would love to hear how it makes you feel and if there is anything from lockdown you will continue with or if you plan on returning to life as you previously knew it. Leave a comment below and let me know.
by Mollie Millington | May 17, 2019 | body image, mental health
This year’s theme for Mental Health Week is Body Image. Here I share a bit about my own hang ups with my body and how my views have changed over time.
If we define ‘normal’ as what the majority of people do, I think it is safe to say that it is normal not to like specific parts of your body. These views are influenced from the culture we were raised in, what we were teased about at school, what media showed us growing up and even what we see today. Fashion trends change (look at the evolution of eyebrow trend and male facial hair) with time, as do definitions of beautiful. Marilyn Monroe, Twiggy, Cindy Crawford, Halle Berry, Jennifer Lopez, and Beyonce (just to name a few) each have their own unique look and style.
Often times, we as the general public forget that these famous beauties have several things going for them which is why they are famous and/or beautiful. Genetics is a big factor, followed by time and money. Why time and money? Because if you had the time, you too could work out for several hours a day to achieve a strong/lean/muscular/toned (insert adjective here) body. If you had the money, you could afford a live-in chef, a top personal trainer, and be motivated by contract requirements to look a certain why (such as how actors manipulate their appearance for roles such as super heroes or POW).
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September 2017- at one of my heaviest recent weights (but also a bad angle).
Plus my tan and the clothes I am wearing are not flattering. |
My motivation comes and goes. As a fitness blogger and personal trainer, I do feel a bit of pressure to look a certain way. My grandmother was always on a diet when I was growing up. Jenny Craig, Weight Watchers, cabbage soup- you name it, she tried it. My shape takes after her’s- apple. However, when I told her this- she defensively declared she was not an apple shape! In the first two years of high school, I felt pretty fit because I had physical education three times a week and played recreational soccer and softball. Plus I could do proper press ups. My goal weight will always be 126 pounds because when I was 19 years old, I had my tonsils out and started university. I hadn’t eaten solid food for a few weeks which slimmed me right down. Having access to ice cream twice a day in the canteen meant I quickly gained the Freshman Fifteen. When I flip through old photos from my first year out of university, I am shocked at how chubby my face looks. I didn’t even notice at the time how heavy I was and wore bikinis to the beach (which I am reluctant to do now). When I lost a lot of weight after my ex broke up with me in 2004 (dropped down to a USA size 6), everyone was so complimentary about how ‘good’ I looked. And it felt good to receive compliments and be skinny. Lately, a few people have told me I look skinny when I bump into them, but I don’t believe it. Your perception of your own body image is relative based on where you are in life (lifestyle, maturity, self-confidence), the people around you and societal pressures.
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| Trying to be a lifestyle blogger with black on black |
For the most part, I think of myself as skinny-fat. I thought I had made up the term, but apparently it is a medical term for dangerous visceral fat that can impact your organs from working properly. To me, it means that ‘I know I am not fat but I also know I am not skinny.’ I am usually about 135 pounds and a US size 8-10 (UK 12). I fluctuate depending on my training, how much sleep I am getting, and of course what I am eating. Over the past two years, I have worked with a nutritionist and got down to 125 pounds. I am also happy with my body at 130 pounds. But sometimes when my weight is higher than that, my BMI says I am overweight (side note- I am not really keen on BMI for various reasons. However, I totally understand why people use is as a baseline measure as it is easy to obtain). Do you let ratings such as BMI effect you or do you go on how your clothes fit and how you feel? Or do you use another measure, like percent body fat?
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| Working on my lazy (but fabulous) bum for running |
The part I like least about my body is my stomach. I love my legs, my ankles, my boobs, my arms, and my wrists. I like my bum too. But in my mind, a narrow and toned stomach is the ultimate feature. Unfortunately for me, I don’t have the genes to have one naturally or the will power to eat my way to having it. Because of this, I don’t like wearing tight-fitting clothes or what I call “fabric that gives.” I want to avoid looking heavier than I actually am or worse- pregnant (which I am not). I don’t enjoy clothes shopping because I only want to wear clothes that make my body look the shape I think it should even though it’s not. It took a long time for me to give up boot cut jeans and swap to the trendy skinny cut because it changed my silhouette to be bigger at my hips and waists because my ankles are skinny. And low cut jeans? They are my nemesis! I need panels of fabric to keep my belly contained, especially after a burger and fries. When I moved to the UK, all the women in the gym wore leggings, but I was self conscious about my shape to I stuck with shorts (which show off my legs) and boot cut activewear for a long time.
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March 2019 on the last day I ran up until recently.
Tan is gone but looking a little more toned than the 2017 photo. |
I have proven (between doing the Whole30 while marathon training and while sticking to my nutritionist’s plan) that I can loose those last annoying five pounds and be skinny (well I could in my 30’s). Was I happy with how I looked? Absolutely. What I happy in life while avoiding certain foods and alcohol? Sometimes. Whole30 is very hard for anyone to accomplish, especially someone who loves sugar, sweets, and Jack Daniels as much as I do. It also put a lot of pressure on cooking meals at home and socializing with friends. With that said, I found black and white rules much easier for me to follow than stopping halfway through eating a candy bar. My nutritionist would set goals for calories (based on if it was a workout or rest day) and then tell me how many grams of fats, carbs, and protein I should eat per day. I was given the choice and flexibility to achieve that. But I barely could stick the calories, let alone the macros. I made incorrect choices. I couldn’t control my cravings.
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| My weight over the last 6 months |
I managed to get my weight down and stable between August and December 2018. It was probably due to my 4×4 Challenge, which required a lot of travel and running. Now that I can start running again and have a run challenge set for October (more on that next week), things are starting to look up. My weight has crept up since then but I now feel I am ready to focus on making good food choices. But I will probably always think of myself as skinny fat and wonder if other people think I don’t know how to dress for my body type when they see me wearing tight fitting clothes.
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| August 2018. Flattering outfit and fit body. |
Are you happy with your body shape? Does your body image match how others perceive you? What influences you the most in your judgements?
by Mollie Millington | May 13, 2019 | happiness, mental health, self care
Did you know that it is Mental Health Awareness Week is 13-19 May? The theme this year is Body Image, which I will talk about in another post as it is such a loaded topic. I have been sharing a bit here and on social media the mental struggles I have been having over the last few months. I am happy to report that I seem to be coming out on the other side. There is still a bit of stigma around mental health and anxiety in the United Kingdom, so I wanted to share a bit about my story and what I have been doing to try and get better. It feels a bit weird to do this as I brand myself as the “Happiness Personal Trainer.” You might think I have nothing to be sad about or that I am always smiling. Neither of these are true. I am just like everyone else who experiences the highs and lows of life.
The first time I was on anti-depressants was in 2005 when I didn’t get into veterinary school for the second time. It was a plan I had put in place in 2002 that involved moving back in with my mom, attending university part-time to obtain the appropriate prerequisites (like organic chemistry) and working part-time in a small animal clinic. I also had to take standardized tests and obtain additional experiences with animals (I volunteered at the local humane society farm on the weekends). I knew it would be a stretch to get in based on the USA vet school admissions system (too complicated to explain here) and even considered moving to North Carolina to increase my chances at different school. In the end, it wasn’t meant to be.
I really struggled with that reality. I felt lost. I didn’t have a life plan or a sense of purpose. All I knew is that I wanted something else with my life. I tried to figure it all out with career counselling, therapy, and switching jobs to a medical laboratory that allowed me to move into my own place. To help me get through an unsettling time, my doctor put me on citalopram, a selective serotonin re-uptake inhibitor. It is used to treat depression and panic attacks (luckily, I don’t have these unless I have to get a cavity filled or go in an enclosed slide). When I started to feel better, I went back to my doctor and obtained a plan to wean myself off of them.
Fast forward to the summer of 2010. I was getting married and moving from a small Midwestern town in the USA to London. Almost everything I had, I had to sell, donate, or throw away (turns out not enough of it as we had to hire an extra car to drive items for storage to my mom’s). Luckily, I was able to secure a job before we landed, but there was a lot of change going on in a small window of time. So I decided to get back on citalopram to help me through another time of transition.
Life in London was a huge adjustment and I stayed on the medication to help me cope. There never seemed to be a good time to come off of it. I am ‘only’ on 20mg/day which my doctor says is a low dose. A few years ago, I increased my dosage around Christmas time as I was stressing about family and holidays (as many people do). There is too much to go into here, but I wasn’t handling things well. I went back to my doctor and we agreed to temporarily increase my dose. After a few months, things were less stressful and I went back to my original dose.
And here we are today. For the last few months, I have been struggling mentally and emotionally. There are a few reasons why:
- Things at work aren’t where I want them to be
- My dog passed away unexpectedly (we knew the end was near, but there was an accident)
- I haven’t been able to do high-impact exercise (ie run) since 8 March
- Also during that time, I have had a bad cold with stuffy nose and cough (so it was good that both happened at the same time to save me time)
- My energy levels are low and I just feel tired, especially when I wake up. I was worried my glandular fever (mono) was back but I never had a fever.
- In general, I tend to over-commit which brings on anxiety. This is an on-going problem that I am working on.
I finally decided I couldn’t go on like this. A few weeks ago, I went to my doctor for blood tests and to increase my citalopram dosage. I have also read books on mindfulness, cognitive behaviour therapy, SUMO straight-talking, had hypnotherapy, and tried CBD oil. I also reached out to several friends back home and had some amazing catch-ups on the phone. Even though it caused tension at home, I decided to avoid certain social situations that could have triggered additional stress. Finally, I ate a lot of raw cookie dough. So much so that I gained six pounds (I am sure the no exercise bit didn’t help).
Slowly the tides are changing. My cough is just about gone. Last week, I was able to run for a few minutes at a time (not long enough to get a runner’s high). I was a bit worried before I started running as I didn’t want to injure myself again, but so far so good! At the end of last week, my husband noticed my mood was improving too. Citalopram (much like other anti-depressants) can take a few weeks to start working. My blood work was normal, aside from low folic acid for which I was prescribed a medication. The doctor said if I still feel low in three months to come back and see her (thanks NHS). On Saturday morning, my latest adventure became real because I booked my flights (more on this later in the week). Finally, I was able to watch a very adorable puppy Saturday afternoon which brought me much joy. I am still looking on several dog rescue websites a day but haven’t found “the one” yet. Puppy-sitting will have to do for now.
Where does leave me? And you?
Obviously, in sharing these personal details with you, I officially have Imposter Syndrome and am worried the trolls will come out of the woodwork. However, I felt strongly that I wanted you to know about my experience in case you or someone you know are also feeling low or sad. I am quite open with my colleagues about my medication and happy to answer any questions that they may have. And I want you to know that you can ask me questions too. There is nothing to be ashamed of in needing anti-depressant medication. I have many friends that have been on them. Some have been able to come off and others realized that they need to stay on them.
Depression can be genetic, it can be a chemical imbalance, caused by a stressful situation (like I have had recently), or medical problems. It doesn’t mean you are weak or a bad person.
If you are feeling depressed and thinking about harming yourself, please call 999 or Samaritans in the UK (911 or Suicide Prevention Helpline in the USA). Ask for help.
What have I learned over the last few months?
- I need to run to manage my anxiety and depression levels. Soon I will be able to do this.
- I asked for help and I got some from friends, my family, and my doctor. And their support helped me tremendously.
- Although I have enjoyed having freedom in my schedule not to be home at specific times, I really miss having a dog. Oldland gave me a purpose, a reason to walk in the park every day, and a friend to cuddle with on the couch.
- I needed extra medication to manage my situation. How did I know this? I didn’t want to get out of bed (sometimes I didn’t even want to shower, but I did). I didn’t want to talk to anyone. My tolerance for other people was very low. I just wanted to sit on the couch and watch Grey’ Anatomy.
- Having an adventure or trip to look forward to gives my mind something to focus on and plan for. Which makes it a good distraction technique!
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I can’t say what the next few months will bring. The medication seems to be working. Once I am able to run regularly, I will have a good think about whether it will be time to adjust it again. I will keep sending James links to dogs up for adoption and try to convince him that we are ready for another one.
Please feel free to email me if you would like to ask me any questions about depression or being on anti-depressants.
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